I unintentionally took a step back from my life online recently, and I found myself falling straight into a few weeks of soul searching ... I traded my usual habit of sharing everything online with opening up a fresh journal to go back to the basics of pen + paper, and it was the best decision I could have made! I've been feeling really uninspired, and just exhausted with everything that comes with trying to keep up with the standard I've set for myself. A good heart reset and soul search session always works best when it's unplanned, don't you think? When it just kind of happens, and you have no other choice but to give into it.
I always seem to find myself going through phases of refining my voice when there's a big life change ahead ... of struggling with what I really want my message to the world to be. Questioning whether what I'm putting out into the universe is making a difference, if I'm helping someone, or if what I'm doing has any true impact whatsoever. This time around answering these questions is even more intensified! I'm not only thinking through the message I want to put out into the world, but one that I'll be proud to have my daughter read back on one day. I want to create a space that is truly me, one that we can look back on as a family and see everyday for exactly what is was; good or bad, and also one that serves others that are in the same season of life as I am (where are my new mama friends at!?). I'm totally blaming all of these thoughts on the fact that we are getting SO CLOSE to Emmy girl's arrival (5.5 weeks!!!). My entire purpose in life is about to be flipped upside down, because there is no doubt in my mind that this baby girl is about to take over every aspect of my being, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The one thing that I kept circling back to when I was working through why I felt so uninspired was expectation. There's a ton of pressure that comes with hitting publish on a post like this one when people expect certain things from you based on a "brand" that you've spent years so carefully curating. I'm in a constant state of having to remind myself that this space, my social media accounts ... all of it is a reflection of my story at this point in my life, and I need to let those expectations fall by the wayside in favor of sharing the things that I personally want (and sometimes need) to share. Regardless if they "flow" with my feed or not. Basically a lesson my momma's been preaching to me for years ... It may sound like a simple fix, but it's honestly something I've been struggling with ever since I hit publish on my first blog post over four years ago. Keeping up with what people expect to see from me, knowing the "right way" to do things in the back of my mind, and all of the joy that comes from playing the comparison game has had me in a total creative block in every aspect of my life.
I've never been a huge fan of reading super deep posts all the time. I can't tell you how many people I've unfollowed because everything was just so serious, and honestly, too much of overly emotional talk can be kind of draining (regardless of how inspiring it's intended to be). Well, let's just blame it on these third trimester hormones because those types of posts are what I'm craving so much more of. Real people sharing their real lives and building real connections. I've found myself going back to the people I unfollowed forever ago because it was all just so much, and unfollowing others that only show the highlight reel of their lives. How can I expect to build any sort of relationship with you all based on the story of my life that I'm sharing if that story is carefully planned out weeks in advance to look completely put together all the time? The simple answer is; I can't. And why would I want to keep up the veil that everything is totally in order all the time? Isn't the real stuff ... the messy stuff ... where the magic of social media really happens? At least I'm hoping that's the case because y'all, I'm a self-proclaimed hot mess 98% of the time.
So, friends, here's to more heart, less planning, a heck of a lot less stress (🙌), and sharing more real life centered around the awesome community you've helped me build in this space. Oh, and if you're still reading this novel, THANK YOU! I do have one favor to ask ... If you could leave a comment over on this photo on Instagram sharing where YOUR heart is right now, or even just share what kind of posts make you excited to show up to my blog or Instagram feed, it would mean the world!